Letting Go of What "They" Think
In the early months of anorexia the praise I received about my appearance and weight loss served as fuel for a dangerous fire.
“You look great!”
“What are you doing? You look awesome.”
“I wish I had your willpower.”
“Wow, you have a great body.”
Dieting is a Violent Act
I believe dieting is a violent act.
I don’t feel neutral, or calm, or indifferent about dieting. I feel quite clearly that dieting is a violent act that (predominantly) women are encouraged to perform against themselves.
I find diets to be physically violent, often leading to exhaustive cycles of weight loss and gain and sometimes insufficient calories (i.e. energy) and nutrition.
Sola Dosis Facit Venenum
I love television.
That might be a bit taboo to say, but it’s true. I get an enormous amount of pleasure from watching my favorite shows.
And there is nothing wrong with loving television. It gives me a tremendous amount of joy, laughter, and relaxation. Put simply, it feeds me. Most of the time. I can also use TV as a tool for avoiding life when checking in, not out, is would serve me most. A while back I noticed my viewing habits detracting more than helping and no surprise my first thought was “I’m going to just give up TV. Go cold turkey. Block Netflix from my computer. Commit to reading a book a week....” Yes, my initial response was to go on a diet. But the problem for me in this case wasn’t television, but the amount and the way I was using television.
Vanity's Other Name
A while back I went to meet my husband Justin for lunch at his office.
This particular day we met up during the peak of the lunchtime rush. After unsuccessfully scanning the cafeteria for an empty table Justin spotted a co-worker with two empty seats at his table. “Can we join you?” Justin said.
The Illusion of the Bottomless Pit
"I am never full."
"The pain will never stop."
"There isn’t ever enough love."
"I will never not want to eat the entire grocery store."
Sacred Ground
Growing up just outside Washington, DC resulted in my childhood having it’s fair share of visits to historical sites, such as Civil War battlefields, like Gettysburg.
If you’ve ever been to a memorial site, especially one where great loss actually took place, you know that you can feel it. What you’re standing on at these places is sacred ground and each has a powerful energetic fingerprint. Perhaps you’ve felt it while visiting the 9/11 Memorial in New York City, Auschwitz in Poland, or The Killing Fields Museum in Cambodia.
The Five Languages of Body Love
Have you heard of The Five Love Languages?
I’m guessing yes given the best-seller status of the book, but if not, here’s the rundown.
Terms of Endearment
I want to show you something. There’s this amazing transformation I’ve been witness to. I wish I could show it to you. What I want to capture is what happens to a woman’s face, body, and whole being when I ask her to identify a meaningful and resonate term of endearment for herself.
As part of some retreats that I’ve lead, after delving into our inner critic, I have each woman identify and share a name for herself that elicits love, safety, and adoration.
You're Not Needy, You're Starving
You are not needy. You are starving.
A while back I was working with a client and we began to talk about the prospect of her finding a post-divorce relationship.
She shared her fear that she’d be too needy.
I’ve heard this before. Many times.
And I say: NO. You are not needy, you’re starving.
In Praise of Safety
Social media abounds with images of softly lit, sunrise horizons with the words "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" emblazoned across the sky. Or perhaps it's a mountain peak behind text that says "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
I believe life begins inside of our comfort zones and only when we feel safe enough to stretch out does life (and our comfort zone) expand.
I am simply a huge fan of everyone feeling safe and I think safety has become linked up with weakness.
Emotional Auto-Immune Diseases
Allergies. Rheumatoid Arthritis. Lupus. Crohn’s Disease. Eczema. Type 1 Diabetes. Do you or someone you know have one of these conditions? Mostly likely yes. Those of us in the developed world are plagued by these and other autoimmune diseases.
Cake for Breakfast
“Do you see a distinction between healthy hungers and unhealthy hungers?” a podcast host asked me years ago.
“Give me an example of an unhealthy hunger?” I said.
“Like, I’m hungry in the morning and so yes, I am going to have that cake, I want the whole thing!” she replied with a slightly giddy laugh at the thought of this devious act.