The Importance of Crying in Public
May 14th, 2012
This past week I cancelled The Well-Fed Woman retreat to be held at Tassajara. There simply weren’t enough sign ups. This retreat has been a dream of mine and the content was extraordinary. It’s not dead in the water by any means; we’re trying to reschedule, but do I ever feel grief.
Yesterday, Fiona, my family’s dog, died suddenly and tragically at the age of nine. She was the embodiment of love. There was not a mean, grumpy, punky, mischievous bone in her body. Pure love.
Today, I have a heavy heart.
I have a heavy heart and the unexpected thing is that I was planning to write this post on crying even before any of these events occurred. Now, I feel an even greater urgency to do so.
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Many of us feel shame about tears. Some only shed them in the dark of movie theaters, at funerals, when curled up alone in bed, or maybe only in the confines of a coach’s office. Others quickly wipe away a single tear and issue an apology that goes something like “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying” or “Ugh, I’m sorry, this isn’t worth crying over.”
Sadly from the time they are small, most of the men in our culture are encouraged to suppress this important and natural emotional reflex at all cost. “Be tough” we tell them. “Be a man.” “Men don’t cry.” In 2012, crying for most men is still a taboo.
Oddly when many of us cry, we feel we need to take care of those who are with us when we come to tears. We feel that we have to make sure they don’t feel too bad or overly concerned. So we buck up, we assure and reassure them “we’re fine” or “we’ll be fine.” We don’t let ourselves melt for fear we’ll bring them down with us. But sometimes we actually need to melt and we need to trust that others cannot only handle our tears, but can benefit from them.
You see, the result of all the suppression, minimization, and hiding of tears is that we suffer alone. Humans were not meant to suffer alone.
I used to be this way. I would go through the world with a “perfect” face on and only when I retreated to my bedroom or therapist’s office would I give myself permission to fall apart. Unfortunately by holding it all together, I felt profoundly lonely and lifeless much of the time.
Thankfully, I’m not that way anymore. Today, my emotions are fluid and, to me, beautiful. I have a rich community of like-hearted friends who powerfully support me and I them. I have safe places to go and be witnessed. There is no putting on a face anymore for me.
On the other hand, having an online brand adds a complication. Others frequently project their “stuff” on to me. As a healer I must be totally healed; as a wise woman I must know all; and as a woman behind a pretty-shiny website — some people assume my life is always pretty and shiny.
These projections are not true. They are not true for me or any of my incredible colleagues in the online sphere. No matter how pretty the online interface or wise the teachings, we all have experiences that make us cry.
When I say I want you to cry in public, what I am encouraging you to do is to feel what you feel, peel off the masks and let others (whether close friends or strangers) see you as you are. When we can do this, we heal, we connect, we give others permission to do the same and we are more in touch with the flow of our lives.
Stifled tears = stifled self and life.
When we let go and unleash sad tears, we also break the dam that may be holding back tears of joy, tears of ecstasy, or tears of empathy. I’m not saying we all need to walk around with mascara streaming down our cheeks 24/7. I am simply advocating that we allow what wants to happen to happen and we realize that when we do, the connection between us can be a healing connection.
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Reflect: How do you feel after you cry?
Reflect: What story do you have that might be preventing you experiencing emotional authenticity?
Reflect: “What I know to be true about tears is…”
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A note about the images I shared here:
The other night I began to sob. It was the kind of sob I have only when I pray. While I am not an alcoholic, it was very much in the vein of the serenity prayer:
“God (or as I say Universe) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
Heavy emphasis on the last part. I was praying for the wisdom to know the difference. And in my anguish and aching, tears were pouring out of me.
I reached for my phone and snapped a few quick pictures because I wanted to see what that kind of pain looked like and with so many happy headshots of me, I just wanted a visual reflection of my humanity. When I took these photos, I never intended to share them. Yet, I kept going back to look at them, feeling compelled to write this post; so, sharing them seemed fitting.
You and this community most definitely inspires joyful tears. Thank you for reading.
Love, Rachel
“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” – Isak Dinesen
Choose Your Own Adventure
May 9th, 2012
To have Rachel go into the haunted castle, turn to page 24.
To have Rachel ask the genie to grant her final wish, turn to page 37.
To have Rachel write the blog post you most desire, read below.
Remember choose your own adventure books? Those children’s takes where you, the reader, got to decide where the story went?
I’m not asking if I should go into a haunted castle or use my last wish (and let’s be honest, I have way more than three), I am asking what you’d like me to write on next.
The tour ended a few weeks back and I’ve been in quiet-hibernation-recharge mode.
In between taking walks in the sun with my pooch and coaching I’ve started and stopped a number of supercharged blog posts. I stopped not because I have writer’s block but because I want to hear from you what you’re curious about.
Below are the titles of posts ready to be written, finished, or proofread. I’m not giving much away here, just the titles, some more descriptive than others. Take a gander. What peaks your curiosity? Which one do you want to read? Which one would give you the information or inspiration you’re wanting? They will likely all make an appearance at some point, but what’s next?
Leave a comment, post to Facebook or send a tweet letting me know which one you want to read.
1. The Well of Renewal
2. What You Will Never See Me Endorsing
3. The Importance of Crying in Public
4. What I’ve Sworn Off for Life and You Could Too
5. When Food Becomes No Big Deal
6. “How can a thin, beautiful, young woman tell me that it doesn’t matter what I weigh?” she asked me
7. Latest & Greatest (next installment)
8. Well-Fed Woman Interviews with a) a revolutionary organic farmer or b) a woman with one of the biggest hearts that I know
9. The Fool-Proof Way to Know You are Lovable
Each of these is like a little seedling I’ve planted and you get to pick which ones get watered. I trust you completely.
Choose your own adventure!
xo, Rachel
The Four Hunger Relationships
April 26th, 2012
One of the things I love best about having a blog is that my writing is not set in stone. If I have a typo or a brilliant post-publish-thought, I can, in a few key strokes, make changes. I also love that my blog serves as a living, breathing storehouse for my teachings –– which are evolving –– and which must evolve –– as I do.
In early December I shared a post titled The 3 Steps to Loving Yourself which reflected my view of the stages I’ve passed through on my way towards inner peace. The are 1) make peace, 2) make friends, and finally, 3) make love.
Writing that “3 Steps” post lit a spark of clarity for me and led to many other core teachings coming into focus for me, including this one about how we relate to our hungers.
My experience personally and with my coaching clients is that there are four ways of being in relationship with our hungers: as enemy, indifferent, as friend, and in deep communion.
If you attended any of my Well-Fed Woman Retreatshops this won’t be new to you, but perhaps you’ll appreciate having it written down so you too can refer to it as needed.
My hope is that this framework will help you come into greater harmony with your hungers –– and ultimately –– become the Well-Fed Woman you were born to be.
As Enemy
While I wouldn’t have self-identified at the time, in my late teens and early 20’s I certainly related to my hungers (and often myself) as though they were the enemy. My hungers were big, mighty, unrelenting, and overwhelming. I didn’t feel worthy of feeding them, nor did I think it as possible. That warfare tactics offered to me were: denial, numbing, distraction, repression, and restriction, and strict repentance for any failures on the battlefield. I had internalized the idea that I needed to defend myself against these “beasts.” I was on high-alert and at the ready to stop any incoming enemy attack –– enemy being everything from calories and second helpings to hungers for touch or love.
Indifferent
In 2002, after a solid 6 months of therapy to treat my anorexia, I moved from relating to my hungers (and myself) as the enemy to a place I call indifferent. I describe indifferent as wholly neutral. Like looking blankly at a pen laying on a desk. There it is. I see you. I’m not threatened, nor am I motivated to take action to feed or avoid.
Sometimes I describe it as if a random stranger at a bus stop turned to you and said “I’m going to the post-office today.” You probably wouldn’t feel neither here nor there about that. Simply indifferent –– and sometimes we relate to our hungers this way. Ho-hum, nothing to do.
Often we relate to our hungers with indifference if we feel powerless to feed to them. If we think there is no hope and we have to way to satiate ourselves we shrug our shoulders, sigh, and move on (albeit still hungry).
As Friend
Spurred by the Oprahfication of our world and my growing collection of self-help books I was able to move from being indifferent about my hungers to relating to them (and myself) as a friend. I began to have a natural warmth, curiosity, and kindness towards them. I felt inspired, rather than resistant or forced, to support and feed them. I softened and truly looked upon my hungers, for food or other primary needs, as friends delivering a message for my well-being.
This third stage – being our own best friend (and viewing our hungers as friends) – is often thought to be the holy grail of self-actualization, but I found a place beyond…
In Deep Communion
The only way I can really describe what it’s like to be in Deep Communion with one’s self and one’s hungers is to use the analogy of a child’s request for water. How would you receive a child’s request for water? Would you judge it? Would you ignore it? Would you insult the child or tell the child it wanted too much? No. You would, in a reflex, get the child a glass of water. You would trust wholeheartedly that the child knew best what it needed and you would act once asked.
If no water was immediately available, you would do what was needed to find it. Right?
From this place of Deep Communion we can receive all our hungers like the child’s request for water. Our hunger for touch, the ocean, meaningful work. We hear the call and we act.
If you’re wondering what to do if you don’t know HOW to feed a hunger, I’ll be writing more on this soon and remember, they’re patient.
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Talk to me and have a chance to win a free consultation – worth $250!
It’s been a year since I launched my website and business and I’d love to hear your thoughts about my works, words, and well-fed wonders.
If you have a few minutes to spare, please take a moment to fill out this wee survey. I’m giving away a 90 minute consulting session with me (worth $250) to one randomly selected person who completes this survey by April 30th.
The Well-Fed Woman: Dana Velden
April 17th, 2012
Last week I shared with you an interview I did with The San Francisco Zen Center about the upcoming Well-Fed Woman retreat at Tassajara in June. My hope was to let the Zen Center community know a bit more about me and to let everyone know more about what they can expect at the retreat.
Now I want to let you know more about the amazing woman who I will be co-leading the retreat with me: Dana Velden or Ikushin Dana Velden as she’s known in zen circles (Ikushin means she is a zen priest). In last week’s interview I shared how I met Dana and how the retreat came to be:
…before becoming a coach I worked in the Bay Area sustainable food community. In the summer of 2008 I was awarded a fellowship to attend a food conference in the Napa Valley. As part of the conference a large group of us were shepherded on a bus to a nearby vineyard and on the ride I struck up a conversation with woman seated in front of me. Low and behold it was Ikushin Dana Velden who I knew as the author of the Weekend Meditation column on The Kitchn website. I had been enamored with Dana’s wise writing and was thrilled to meet her in person. We’ve been good friends ever since and when Dana, who has a long-standing relationship with SFZC and Tassajara, approached me about collaborating on a retreat together, the answer was a wholehearted YES!
It goes without saying that to teach the Well-Fed Woman teachings alongside me you must be a pretty well-fed woman. Dana’s participation in this series is both overdue and right on time.
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Dana, what are you truly hungry for?
Purpose, a more balanced life (both for me and for the planet) and a culture that is welcoming to diversity. Not just welcoming but excited by diversity, where all people can be celebrated and appreciated for whatever it is that they bring to the table. Also, this pretty corn-flower blue bike and the kind of life where I can ride it as much as possible. And maybe a backyard suitable for a few chickens. And a meyer lemon tree. And kissing. And breakfast. I always want breakfast.
What’s a craving that you previously denied that you now satisfy? How has that impacted you?
I lived for many years in Zen monasteries and training temples where the focus wasn’t really on personal adornment or an overtly feminine expression. I left my residency last year to step into the wider world. It’s been taking me a while to rediscover how to nourish and encourage my feminine spirit but last month I took a big step towards that when I splurged (really splurged!) on a bottle of perfume. It was worth every penny in that it reminds me to open up to a part of me that hasn’t had much attention these last several years. I think that this might be only the beginning as evidenced by my growing obsession for deep red lipstick. (The perfume is called Mythique by Parfums DelRae and it was inspired by Diane de Pointiers, the mistress of Henry II who is described to be a women of learning, compassion, glamour, and guile. Oh yeah.)
What are you a conduit for? What comes through with ease, meaning, and spark?
I am very focused on connection and deep friendships and the many people in my life. When I lived at Zen Center, we called it sangha which is the Buddhist name for the group of people you practice with, people who have a shared desire to wake up and engage with their lives in a more compassionate and wholesome way. I also really dig writing about food and the magic that happens in the kitchen.
Favorite bite in recent memory?
I recently wrote a post about the chickpeas stew with roasted egg at Boot & Shoe in Oakland and how it brought me back from the brink of despair. But I would add that the little picnic Rachel and I shared in early April with Il Facchino cheese on Firebrand bread was mighty wonderful, perhaps made more so by sharing it with each other!
Tassajara & The June 2012 Well-fed Woman Retreat
April 11th, 2012
I’ve got two interviews to share with you about the upcoming Well-Fed Woman retreat at Tassajara in early June. The first interview (below) is of me answering questions from the San Francisco Zen Center. It’s featured on the SFZC blog, but I thought I’d reprint it here in case you wanted answers to some of these Q’s as well.
The second interview, which I’ll share next week, is of Dana Velden, my retreat co-host, as part of my Well-Fed Woman series. She’s delicious, I hope you’ll check back then.
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Rachel, tell us a little bit about the work that you do?
The core of my work is helping women to live their lives so that they are deeply well-fed. Right now, for a woman to deny, numb, ignore, suppress, judge, or have shame about her true hungers – be they for food or something else – is normal…and I think that’s a crisis. The world we live in needs women to be well-fed so that they can be active, vibrant, connected participants in their lives and in the greater human community.
Primarily, I’m a life coach working one-on-one with women from this philosophy. I noticed last year that my own true hunger was to sit with women and share my teachings. So, at the beginning of this year I launched a 12-city national tour of half-day retreatshops (part retreat, part workshop) to do just that. This month I come to the close of this tour and I know that leading Retreats is part of the work I’m here to do this lifetime. I’m over-the-moon excited that this June, along with my dear friend Ikushin Dana Velden I’ll get to dive deeper with The Well-Fed Woman teachings at our retreat at Tassajara June 4th-7th.
And how did you come to choose Tassajara as the location for the first in-depth Well-Fed Woman retreat?
Well, there’s two parts to my answer.
I first visited Tassajara as a volunteer during the 2006 autumn work period and really felt transformed by the experience. The ride there on The Stage was like taking leaving the world I knew and descending into an entirely different one. The rhythm of life at Tassajara –– punctuated by the ringing of bells, fragrant with incense, and in the evening, aglow from the burning oil lamps –– was like no other place I had ever been. So many aspects of my life that had been routine before going to Tassajara, became beautiful rituals after my experience there. From the hot springs and Japanese-style bathhouse to the invocation before each meal, Tassajara helped me to see my life in a whole new way and since then it has always had a special place in my heart.
The second part of my answer is that before becoming a coach I worked in the Bay Area sustainable food community. In the summer of 2008 I was awarded a fellowship to attend a food conference in the Napa Valley. As part of the conference a large group of us were shepherded on a bus to a nearby vineyard and on the ride I struck up a conversation with woman seated in front of me. Low and behold it was Ikushin Dana Velden who I knew as the author of the Weekend Meditation column on The Kitchn website. I had been enamored with Dana’s wise writing and was thrilled to meet her in person. We’ve been good friends ever since and when Dana, who has a long-standing relationship with SFZC and Tassajara, approached me about collaborating on a retreat together, the answer was a wholehearted YES!
What can retreat attendees expect?
We’re going to spend our time together understanding and connecting to our true hungers (again, for food, touch, nature, rest, adventure, or any number of other hungers), learning to come into wholesome relationship with them, exploring the nature of what might have gotten in our way of feeding them in the past and how to live our lives as deeply well-fed women going forward. Let me tell you – a well-fed woman is unstoppable!
Also, one of my favorite parts of hosting this retreat at Tassajara is that attendees will get both a rich and thought-provoking retreat experience and a chance to have down time, hike, soak in the hot springs, read a book, take a nap, and do any of the other wonderful things that we all hope come with stepping away from our busy lives.
For more information or to sign up for The Well-Fed Woman retreat to be held at Tassajara June 4th-7th visit the event website.
Stay tuned for my Well-Fed Woman interview with Dana Velden which I’ll share next week!
The Well-Fed Woman: Samantha Reynolds
April 1st, 2012
Creativity.Parenthood. Relationships. Nature.
Musings on this tender and curious life.
These are the categories Samantha Reynolds (of the beloved Bentlily.com) divides her daily poems into and they say so much about the kind of poet she is and the kind of human she is.
Observing. Breathing her truth into words. Channeling beauty and anguish and questions from an invisible well of wisdom.
It is not a perfectly lived perfect life that creates a Well-Fed Woman, in my eyes.
No, a Well-Fed Woman sinks deep and stretches her arms wide, unleashing her soul in honest ways. She honors herself and maintains, as much as possible, a fullness from which to live well. Samantha Reynolds is a Well-Fed Woman I’m proud to share with you today.
In her words: “The challenge in writing these daily poems isn’t the 15 minutes at the end of the day when I actually write them; it’s the practice of wrenching my senses wide open as often as possible to notice the details of my day. I like to think of this practice as “story poetry.” It’s not about sonnets or arcane symbolism; it’s simply about noticing your life. So make a nest where your fleeting moments can hatch. You will experience a sweetness you will wonder how you did without.”
The kind of writing Samantha practices and speaks of here is very similar to my weekly sacred dose of Wild Writing from Laurie Wagner and it makes this seeker hunger for more unbridled “story poetry.” Are you hungry for this too?
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Sam, what are you TRULY hungry for?
A raucous courage to speak more fully from the deepest belly of my truth.
What’s a craving that you previously denied that you now happily satisfy? How has this impacted you?
My set point is quite reserved and I used to wish I could find that unselfconscious kid inside me and release her from time to time. I lucked out and married a guy who, if I am stiffening into a mood, regularly puts various substances like toothpaste and overripe banana on his head to crack open the moment. It turns out that absurd behaviour is contagious and I am now able to find that dippy side of myself and let her out to play. The effect is a general ungluing so that all parts of me loosen up – I get closer to my most creative and generous self.
What are you a conduit for? What comes through with ease, meaning, and spark?
My poems unspool at the end of each night with such effortlessness, I can barely lay claim to them. My husband says it’s almost spooky, which I’ve decided is a compliment. But it’s the mystery of creativity that deserves all the credit; I am just the bones she hangs it on.
Favorite bite in recent memory?
My friend Georgia’s sweet-salty cake. Why did we come around so late in life to salt on dessert? Good God, it’s like we forgot to invent kissing.
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I was so honored a few weeks back to have my poem Preparing Your Lesson Plan featured on Bentlily. If you go check it out, be sure to traipse through Samantha’s archives, it’s a veritable treasure chest.
Oh, and happy National Poetry Month!
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Join me this Wednesday for a free and fun Q&A call to learn all about the upcoming Well-Fed Woman Retreat at Tassajara. You’ll learn all the answers to your questions and the inside scoop on how these four days in June will both restore and transform you.
The List: Illusions & Truth
March 27th, 2012
Henry David Thoreau once said “The question is not what you look at, but what you see. ”
Pema Chodron writes “We have two alternatives: either we question our beliefs – or we don’t. Either we accept our fixed versions of reality- or we begin to challenge them. In Buddha’s opinion, to train in staying open and curious – to train in dissolving our assumptions and beliefs – is the best use of our human lives.”
Eckhart Tolle teaches that “the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”
In today’s world, so much of what we perceive to be true is simply an illusion. Yes we have eyes and a big frontal lobe, but we are not equipped with eyes that see clearly. Sorry.
It’s crucial that we dedicate ourselves to seeing The True. The ramifications of our blindness can be found near and far. We pour torrential amounts of precious human life down the “self-loathing” drain and our illusions can be found at the core of all that makes us feel separate — all forms of prejudice are based on these skewed perceptions of reality.
There’s good news though. You’re not alone in this affliction, all human beings struggle to see reality as it is rather then their version and it’s workable. We can practice seeing through illusion. We can become intimate with our unique funhouse glasses and begin, moment by moment, to bring life into focus.
What illusions run your life? What stories or beliefs that you are know in your heart are not true run the show?
Perhaps it’s the “I’m not enough” illusion. Or maybe it’s the “I’m too much for anyone to love/handle” version? Or maybe it’s both.
Is it the “I’m lazy” story when in reality you are not? Is it the “I’m not worth people’s money” when in fact your time, skills, or product are indeed of great value? Is it the “I got the short end of the stick in life” when in reality we’re all doing our best to travel an equally hard road?
What are your illusions?
The assignment I’m here to give you is one I give my clients frequently and it’s mighty.
1. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.
2. Above the left column, write one of the following words: MYTHS, ILLUSIONS, STORIES, BELIEFS, or LIES. Whichever resonates the most with you.
3. Above the left column write TRUTHS.
It should look something like this:
4. On the left, begin to write your list of illusions. (i.e. I am not enough.)
5. Now, on the right, write the corresponding truth for each illusion — even if you only cognitively get that it’s the truth. Hint: it’s probably the opposite of whatever you wrote on the left. (i.e. I am enough just as I am.)
6. Post this list somewhere you will see it daily.
7. Challenge yourself with any of the following:
“May I live the next hour by the righthand side of this paper.”
“May I live today as if the righthand side of the paper were my reality.”
“May I make this phone call/write this letter/work on this project as if the righthand side of the paper were known to be true in every fiber of my being.”
“May I show my children in my actions that the things on the righthand side of the paper are true.”
8. Live increasingly more moments from The Truth until you look at the lefthand side and wonder how you ever thought those things could be true.
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The Well-Fed Woman: Michelle Ward
March 20th, 2012
One year ago today my website went live and I officially hung my digital shingle. Two years ago this week, the effusive and amazing-career-coach-extraordinaire Michelle Ward did the same. We’re biz-a-versary buddies. But that’s not why she’s a Well-Fed Woman. It takes a bit more than that to make it into this prestigious club.
Michelle is all about women (and men too) feeding their truest hungers – no matter how big, unique or when in life they show up. She is, in my book, a high-priestess of hunger-satisfaction. *bowing down*
I love how many ways she shares her mojo and wisdom, from workbooks to workshops and group coaching to a clubhouse(!), Michelle really dishes up a smorgasbord of service. And as someone who knows first hand what it feels like to work in a soul-killing job, for abusive bosses, and wondered just if my dream job (what I do now) was more fantasy than reality…I know just how much we need the goods Michelle is dishing out.
Michelle, what are you TRULY hungry for?
Relationships and connection. To me, that goes hand-in-hand. I’ve always said that I’m nothing if not a relationship-builder, and I think that’s why I’m so fulfilled by being a coach and community-builder. I seek out ways to connect, and to matchmake (I am a Jew from Long Island, after all!), and that makes me ridiculously happy.
And I can’t not add that I’m hungry to prove that you can have a fulfilling, successful, lucrative career with something you’re passionate about, even if it’s a crap economy and the career you want is un-grown-up-like (like owning a pizza fire truck!).
What’s a craving that you previously denied that you now happily satisfy? How has this impacted you?
Being the boss of me! Even when I was a musical theater actor pounding the pavement, I lived my life by The Shoulds: sing the “pretty” song (instead of the one that showed off my belt-y, comedic chops), wear muted clothes so you don’t distract from your audition, blend in with all the other thousands of twenty-something girls, insert other-BS-I-didn’t-know-to-ignore here…It wasn’t until years later that I realized I got cast as loud, funny, sketch-like characters, and I turned things on its head by wearing a dress (& matching headband!) that looked like candy DOTS to every audition, as well as getting headshots with a bright blue background and starting every audition by waking them up with my loud mix/belt.
That’s when I started getting remembered (often!) and that’s when I started getting tons of callbacks. I’ve brought this into When I Grow Up since I founded it in 2007, always feeling confident that if I remained vulnerable, authentic, and quirkily me, I’d attract the type of people I wanted to work with. Amen and hallelujah – it worked, even with the insane amount of “amazeballs” I’ve thrown around!
What are you a conduit for? What comes through with ease, meaning, and spark?
Enthusiasm. Optimism. Singing. I’ve heard over and over without fail that my clients leave our sessions with more energy than they started, feeling like they can actually do this, and I know I’m to blame. I also never realized how much I sing-talk with my clients, but I had it pointed out to me and now I notice it all the time. I can’t help it!
Favorite bite in recent memory?
The lamb stew at Putnam’s. Perfect for winter. I dream of it.
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Thanks Michelle!
I’m co-leading an incredible Well-Fed Woman retreat in June at Tassajara with Dana Velden. If you’re interested but on the fence, please join me on April 4th at 7pm PST for a free information call where you’ll hear all about what the experience will be like (pretty magical) and we’ll answer any questions you’ve got.
REGISTER HERE
The Latest & Greatest (3.15.12)
March 15th, 2012There’s a gravity to the work I do. I often joke that my superpower is making people cry as it happens so often in my presence. And I love it. Not the tears, the work. A good friend calls it ‘swimming in the deep end.’ and that’s where I’m most happy – most of the time.
But today I just woke up with a levity coursing through me. Joyful for no reason.
Despite all the ugly beauty of my life (and of all of our lives), there was definite skip in my step upon waking and it hasn’t left me yet. So no deep wisdom today – just a few things that are lighting me up. Surely a few could change your life, but for the most part these are fun and frivolous finds du jour. Enjoy!
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1. ExOfficio Storm Logic Jacket (My Retreatshop travel armor); 2. Zoya nail polish in Carmen (Sexy toes); 3. Fluevog Intuit Boots (I love a pointy toe, though these are not fun to take off when going through airport security).
4. BKR water bottle in Fog (I talk, I hydrate); 5. Gaia Conceptions Cacoon Jacket (My power color)
6. Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey (Best movie I’ve seen in a long time)
7. Scooter (our new dog); 8. Laurie Wagner (Life Changer. Telling True Stories is coming!)
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What’s turning you on? What’s on your Favorite Things list-o-the-moment? Do you share my love of any of these finds? Isn’t Scooter the cutest dog ever?!
Imagine A Woman
March 7th, 2012
I spent my junior year of college suffering from anorexia.
I spent my senior year full steam ahead in my recovery.
One of the most helpful parts of my recovery was reading.
I borrowed every book in entire state of Ohio college and university library consortium on eating disorders (from memoir to clinical manual), feminism, and spirituality. I simply devoured information as if my life depended on making sense of myself – because it did.
Back then I’d go to the pick-up desk at my school’s library nearly each day and sink into my latest arrivals. One of the books that arrived was Patricia Lynn Reilly’s Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself: Embracing Your Wisdom and Wholeness. Reilly takes a astonishingly deep and astute poem she wrote and turnes each stanza into a fully fleshed out chapter exploring qualities that encourage women to love themselves and steer the ship of their lives.
In the song “Killing Me Softly” by the Fugees, Lauryn Hill croons “…singing my life with his words…”
That’s how I felt when I read this poem – like Patricia Lynn Reilly was singing my life with her words.
10 years later my heart feels full when I see that I no longer have to imagine this woman.
I am this woman.
If you’re not familiar with “Imagine a Woman” I’m excited to introduce you…
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“Imagine a Woman I”
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.
Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
Imagine yourself as this woman.
“Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995
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“Imagine a Woman II”
Imagine a woman who is interested in her own life.
A woman who embraces her life as teacher, healer, and challenge.
Who is grateful for the ordinary moments of beauty and grace.
Imagine a woman who participates in her own life.
A woman who meets each challenge with creativity.
Who takes action on her own behalf with clarity and strength.
Imagine a woman who has crafted a fully-formed solitude.
A woman who is available to herself.
Who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to respect her solitude.
Imagine a woman who acknowledges the full range of human emotion.
A woman who expresses her feelings clearly and directly.
Who allows them to pass through her as naturally as the breath.
Imagine a woman who tells the truth.
A woman who trusts her experience of the world and expresses it.
Who refuses to defer to the perceptions, thoughts, and responses of others.
Imagine a woman who follows her creative impulses.
A woman who produces original creations.
Who refuses to color inside someone else’s lines.
Imagine a woman who has relinquished the desire for intellectual approval.
A woman who makes a powerful statement with every action she takes.
Who asserts to herself the right to reorder the world.
Imagine a woman who has grown in knowledge and love of herself.
A woman who has vowed faithfulness to her own life.
Who remains loyal to herself. Regardless.
Imagine yourself as this woman.
“Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995
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Somehow Imagine a Woman slipped my mind when I put together my list of life-changing books. It should absolutely be on this list:
