A Hunger So Deep
June 17th, 2013
I’m working with a client who is just starting to thaw the iceberg that is her hungers.
The women I work with are often in this place when we first start to work together. It’s a place of unhappiness, dis-ease, and lack of fulfillment. It’s also a place where their true hunger are usually still frozen.
So we begin the thaw.We begin to feel.
What is it that they truly desire? What is it that would allow their whole lives to feel like the best meal ever? What is it that would give them a total body exhale?
Without fail we run into the elaborate fortresses they’ve built to avoid feeling their hungers.
There are walls of “But to have that would be selfish” and prison bars of “but is that even possible to have?!”
And there are oceans of sadness.
Sadness for the years spent hungry. Sadness from the longing. Sadness for the uncertainty of what lies ahead.
It’s a scary place. I’ve been there and the women I work with will tell you, I can walk with you out of that place.
So the client I mentioned, I received a note from her in the thick of the thaw:
“It’s almost as though admitting to wanting…has opened me up to just how much I need it. Just the thought of doing anything for anyone exhausts me right now…I think more than anything it’s showing me my depth of longing. Whenever something nice & nurturing happens and it’s over all too fast I can feel myself inside yelling for it not to stop. It’s almost like now I’m starting to open the door every hunger I’ve ever had is clamouring to be heard. It’s overwhelming right now. Breath. Take my time.”
She is starving for care, for touch, for nurturing. She needs it like she needs air and she’s been breathing through a straw.
Can you relate? Do some of your hungers feel this wide and deep? Do your hungers feel like they can never be satisfied?
Darling, here is what my heart has to say to you:
What’s the alternative?
The alternative is to live a life frozen.
Breathing through the straw.
Nibbling on crumbs.
The alternative is jobs that don’t feel good, relationships that don’t taste good, and a body that screams out for nourishment.
We are here, if for nothing else, to live fully.
For any life form to live fully it needs to be fed. A well-fed life is built on far more than whole grains and fresh produce.
We need play, touch, creative outlets, community, a voice, deep rest and more.
And these hungers – they aren’t bottomless.
Slowly but surely. As we listen, honor, and act we become fed. The sensation of hunger – of longing – cannot swallow us whole.
Your hungers may feel terribly deep and I say to you they are wise and you only need start to feed yourself one bite at a time.
Let it thaw. Let it all melt away.
Let your hungers rise and rise to the surface.
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There are six cities left on the Well-Fed Woman Retreatshop Tour:
Los Angeles (6/22), Vancouver (7/14), Seattle (7/21), Andover (9/29), DC (10/12), and Alameda (11/2).
Come spend a day feeding yourself and transforming how you live in the world.
Bring a friend for free too.
INFORMATION & REGISTRATION HERE
My Creative Joy : Fabric
June 13th, 2013
One of the perks of coming home to your body is that you get to feel pleasure.
When I lived estranged from my body, attempting to numb out discomfort and hunger, I also lost touch with what felt good, enlivening, and right.
Rumi wrote “Respond to every call that excites your spirit.”
When you’re disconnected from your body, you are disconnected from this excitement.
This past week my body spoke loud and clear: fabric. sewing. more. please. yes. oh my.
A bit of backstory:
My mom has her degree in home economics (yes, that’s a real thing) and grew up in a time when sewing your own clothing (with matching headbands) was fairly common. Her mother, my grandmother, sewed many outfits for my sister and I when we were young – even tiny quilts for the beds in our dollhouse.
This past week when arrived at my parents house for visit I took my luggage up to my room I found three japanese dress pattern books on the bedside table. My mom had gotten them for me so that I could pick out a dress to have her make. My body said: yes, joy, squee!
Later, gathered around bolts of fabric at the fabric store I could feel my heart pumping in my chest. The beauty of the prints. The saturation of the colors. The unique combinations that called to me.
In shopping for just one dress pattern I could already feel the hunger for more. More fabric. I want to be around more fabric. I love it so.
Like another might feel about a camera, or paints, or books, or cooking spices – I was feeling an overwhelming pull toward fabric.
I’m not a proficient sewer, yet, but I can certainly reattach a button and having taken basic lessons. I can thread a machine and make a basic tote bag. I even own a sewing machine, though until I live in a bigger space, it’s stored on the east coast at my parent’s house.
My body was telling me that this is important. This matters. This makes me feel alive. This makes me incredibly joyful.
Sitting at my parents dining table watching my mom cut out the dress pieces I felt at home. Something just felt so right and like this was just the beginning. A first date of a great love affair.
My body said “This is how I want to spend my Saturday mornings – stitching together a dress that is cut just for me in fabric that makes my body hum.” Yes, hum.
You want to know what you’re hungry for? You want to know where your creative joy lives?
Come home to your body and listen for what makes it hum.
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Three women, Jen Louden, Marianne Elliot, and Tracy Clark I hold the utmost respect and adoration for are once again offering their Creative Joy Retreat. This was the inspiration for this post.
They got me thinking about what my creative joy is and where it lives.
And they are doing something pretty fun: giving away one spot at the Retreat to a person who shares what their creative joy is. To do this you can just use the hashtag #mycreativejoy on twitter, instagram, or share it directly on Jen’s Facebook page. Oh, and you’ve got to share it before midnight tomorrow, June 14th!
Win or not, this retreat is worth putting on your calendar. They are the cream of the crop when it comes to teaching and oh so fun. It might just be exactly what you’re hungry for.
Last year I contributed to their truly wonderful Creative Joy Workbook, which you can download for free over at the Creative Joy Retreat page.
Oh and some of my favorite sources for fabric inspiration: Spoonflower, Make Something, Jen Hewett, and my fabric Pinterest board.
You’re not needy. You’re starving.
May 30th, 2013
You are not needy. You are starving.
Last week I was working with a client and we began to talk about the prospect of her finding a post-divorce relationship.
She shared her fear that she’d be too needy.
I’ve heard it before. Many times.
And I say: NO. You are not needy, you’re starving.
This client has a 5 year old boy.
I explained it to her like this…
If her son skipped breakfast, lunch, and dinner and then said “Mommy, I’m too needy for food.” I know she’d reply:
“No sweetheart, you aren’t needy at all, you’re very hungry. You haven’t gotten what you need. Now let’s get you something delicious to eat.”
Something about this needy feeling has us feeling like it’s bottomless, insatiable. That no matter how much we “eat” we’ll never be fed.
Not so. I speak from experience. Mine and that of too many of my clients.
Yes, it feels like we’ll never get enough. Just like, when we are starving for food, at first, we think we really could eat the whole kitchen. Not so in either case.
We can find satiation and that point when we’ve had enough…for the moment.
Here are just a few things I often hear women saying they are too needy for:
love
being seen (often confused with attention)
touch (the way they uniquely like it)
affection + adoration
being desired
a circle of women friends
companionship
being listened to + feeling understood
You’re not needy. You’re starving.
You certainly do not want for too much.
These are all entirely normal, natural, its-your-birth-right, your-parents-probably-didn’t-give-you-enough things.
So you’re starving. That’s okay.
You can begin there. Begin bit by bit. or bite by bite.
Begin by renaming this ‘neediness’ with a more accurate term: hunger.
Begin by asking for what you want.
Begin by honoring your hunger. by feeding yourself.
Begin by receiving the cravings with kindness, instead of shame.
This hunger of yours. It’s so wise.
You’re not needy. You’re simply starving.
Now darling, let’s get you something delicious to eat.
Note: I use the word ‘starving’ here to refer to often first-world emotional deprivation. Not to be confused with actual lack of nutrition needed for physical survival, which is a very real problem in our world.
Everyday Luxuries
May 27th, 2013
I’m about to embark on 61 days of sleeping in beds other than my own. I’ve subleased my sanctuary until August and my bags are just about packed. 10 flights and a train ride await me. 4 Retreatshops. Lots of friends and family to see, including my nephew who is coming to the U.S. for the first time.
It’s exciting and it’s a big a shake up for a homebody like me.
I love my home to feel like any retreat I’d pay money to stay at. I want to wake up feeling taken care of. I want to move through my day with touches of luxury that elevate the mundane. I believe our homes can be one of the greatest feasts in our lives.
When I stay with friends or in hotels I get a fantastic window into how others make their homes. I truly believe we all have different forms of luxury in our lives, no matter how we live and other people’s dwellings are wellsprings of inspiration.
This past April, when I stayed with Susannah in London I so enjoyed her overflowing collection of perfumes. Every day was an opportunity to spritz on a new floral aroma or to combine two scents into one of a kind.
Next week I’ll be at my parents house in Arlington, Virginia. I’m looking forward to the luxury of dog snuggles and a tactile paper-version of The New York Times every morning. Soon thereafter I’ll be in Los Angeles staying with my friend Beth who’s shower, while indoors, makes you feel like you’re outside in nature. The windows open up to the trees and oh yeah, it has one of those above rain shower heads…total luxe.
One friend has a subscription to all the hipster magazines (Kinfolk, Gather, Anthology, etc.) which are so fun to curl up with when I’m visiting.
And it’s not just the material things that make a home special. I love baring witness to family rituals, like reporting the best part of your day over dinner. Another friend I’m staying with makes the bed every morning. It’s a simple, no cost act and it makes all the difference.
When people come to my home I often hear remarks about the amazing hand soap in my bathroom, the art that hangs on my walls, and the collection of cookbooks that line my kitchen.
I’m making a point on this summer’s adventure to collect inspiration and luxuriate in all the many ways we make our homes. I’ll be taking notes and bringing home ideas for creating an even more wonderful place to rest my head.
I believe if we find ourselves oooh and ahhhing over something simple in another’s home we ought to bring into our own. Too often we get the practical linens, the bargain soap, the ‘good enough’ granola. Life is short. Let’s delight our senses and spirits not just when we’re on the road or on special occasions.
What everyday luxuries do you live with?
Who’s home inspires you?
How could your home feel more like being on retreat?
Three Well-Fed Days
May 22nd, 2013
::: SATURDAY:::
Every time a Retreatshop kicks off and I look around the room at the women who’ve gathered, I have a moment when I pray that one of them will step up and teach instead of me. I’d love to sit quietly in the corner and have all expectations put upon another.
But no, they’ve come to receive what I have to give and despite my momentary trepidation, I always love what follows.
This past weekend’s gathering was especially wonderful. Everyone who came was incredibly engaged. There’s usually a moment when I try to call upon the person who hasn’t shared yet, but there wasn’t anybody in this group who didn’t speak up. They took to the day with reverence and curiosity.
As a teacher, you prepare your best and pray for flow to grace you.
And graced I was.
The feedback I received is wonderful and I’d love to share every last bit of their experience with you, but here’s one that really sums it up so well:
When I entered the glorious space Rachel had chosen for the Retreatshop, I had no idea what to expect. Sure, I’d been reading her blog for at least a year, and had decided to spend my Saturday in her hands based on her wise writing. However, I couldn’t have possibly imagined the extent of Rachel’s gentle intuition in an in-person group. As the hours flew by, I had the privilege of witnessing a group of women, including myself, tease out the hungers that they most crave. I watched Rachel’s face as she repeatedly closed her eyes and mulled over something someone had said with immense concentration; I knew that she was taking all of us as seriously, and with as much weight as we deserved. By the end, there were tears and laughter as I found myself on the path to feeding my hungers. Thank you, Rachel, for an experience I won’t forget. — Esmé Wang
There are six cities remaining on the tour (maybe seven, as several Bostonians are currently campaigning for a visit) and after this weekend, I simply can’t wait. Chicago, here I come.
::: SUNDAY:::
Post-Retreatshop I almost always have end the day with a cocktail and dinner. Yes, Saturday night included such a celebration with dinner at Piccino, dessert at Chocolate Lab. But it was Sunday that really took the cake…or pie rather. I love pie. If you’ve been to a Retreatshop you know that after introducing yourself, sharing where you’re from and why you came, you have to share your favorite kind of pie.
I joke that I judge people based on their pie preferences. Heh.
Anyways, Sunday morning, still somewhat tired from the all-day teach-a-thon the day before, my man and I headed to Mission Pie. Oh yes. hot turkey pot pie and whipped cream topped apricot frangipan tart and apple-rhubarb pie.
Well-fed indeed.
If you want to make me happy, feed me pie.
::: MONDAY MORNING:::
I’m writing the book. Yes. Yes. Yes.
It’s an expect-the-unexpected process for sure.
Monday morning I spoke with the first of several book agents about the concept. My expectations were low. Very low. Perhaps as a means of self-preservation.
Turns out she loved it and “can’t imagine passing on it.”
Squee!
Proposal due July 1st.
Deep breath.
::: MONDAY NIGHT:::
My friend Britt isn’t having a birthday this week. She doesn’t have terminal cancer. She hasn’t won any awards or crossed any marathon finish lines.
But we, Tara, Julie, and I threw her a party anyways.
The party, which took place Monday night, was just to simply celebrate her.
No other reason. No justification for the pomp and circumstance necessary.
Britt is wonderful. She is the kind of friend we all deserve: fiercely loyal, thoughtful, vibrant, full of brilliant wisdom, and deeply caring.
She’s also one of those people who’s awesomeness can fall under the radar. So we decided to throw her a party just to celebrate her.
We asked her to provide email addresses for anyone she’d like to have at her party and we took care of the rest.
One delicious indian feast, some good bubbly, lots and lots of laughter later and the night was pretty memorable.
We asked those who couldn’t make it to send kind and appreciative words which we put into a blank book. We had those who came to the party add to the book as well. On tiny slips of paper we wrote out a series of prompts…
- First word that comes to mind when you think about Britt…
- Do your best impersonation of Britt.
- Superlative you’d give to Britt:
- Happiest memory with Britt:
- Funniest memory with Britt:
- What I know for sure about Britt is…
- If I could steal one of Britt’s qualities I would take her…
- What’s Britt’s spirit animal and why?
We put the prompts in a bowl and passed it around during dinner and over dessert. As people answered, we captured their words too.
So much hilarity and tenderness ensued. Surely the night delighted Britt, but really, it filled the hearts of all who sat around that table.
Why don’t we do this more? Why don’t we celebrate for celebrations sake?
Gatherings like this are feasts for those of us hungry for connection, festivity, storytelling, and joy.
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Nothing earth-shattering here today. Just three days in my life that filled me up. Body, mind, heart, and soul…and stomach.
What’s feeding you? What’s been the most well-fed day you’ve had recently? and always…What are you truly hungry for?
Meditations for Sunrise and Sunset
May 13th, 2013
This past February I introduced the online course: Ease Hunting: Six Weeks of Discovering Every Exhale.
This powerful journey included lessons, live calls, an ease scavenger hunt, expert interviews, and two guided audio meditations all aimed at supporting the huntresses in discovering an easeful way of being, no matter what life was throwing their way. It was truly beautiful. One participants described it as “A yoga class for your mind.”
Spring is here and while the flowers may be blooming and the warmer weather lifting our spirits, I know that life is still challenging for many of us.
I woke up today wanting to support you in finding ease in your life right now. The Ease Hunting course won’t run again until later this year, but today I’m giving away the two Ease Hunting meditations.
These recordings, one for morning and one for evening, are simple 10 minute opportunities to recenter and rest. They were among the Ease Hunters favorite parts of their experience. Here are a few of their words:
“I’ve been using the PM mediation every day, and I’m going to keep using it. I loved that I could download the meditations onto my phone. That made it easy to listen to them on the go and also as I was falling asleep. Doing 15 minutes every day has definitely impacted my ease levels.”
“I liked having the meditations as a go-to if I needed them…when I did need them, they were both helpful and I’m grateful to have them as a tool in my toolbox. There was one morning in particular where I was fretting, and I said “ah, we have a tool for this: AM meditation.” I did it, and the fretting subsided and made way for some ease.”
If you’re needing a little more ease in your life or a supportive, simple way to start and end your day, here is my gift to you. To listen online, simply click the links. To download, hold down the option key and then click the links.
AM Ease Hunting Meditation
PM Ease Hunting Meditation
If you want to find out exactly when the next Ease Hunting course will commence, make sure you’re signed up on the list!
Love, Rachel
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Oh, and in case you missed it, all fully-paid Retreatshop attendees get to bring a friend for free!
Bring a friend.
May 9th, 2013
I was feeling really low this week and wanting to share a little behind the scenes development here and what it might mean for you.
Ticket sales for The Well-Fed Woman Retreatshop tour have been, to put it bluntly, dismal.
I wallowed for a good while. Telling myself I failed at marketing. Telling myself I wasn’t offering anything people wanted to buy. Telling myself to cancel the tour, put on my pajamas and call it a day…or year.
I sat perplexed. Last year had gone so well. I don’t understand.
Rachel created a bridge for me from a nebulous, semi-conscious hunger that I have to a visceral knowing of it. She gave me wonderful tools for honoring and feeding it, but more importantly, a framework for identifying and honoring my hungers in an ongoing way. Parts of me that have felt ignored or just plan unseen are feeling loved and hopeful and meaningfully connected to me because of Rachel’s work, and for that I’m deeply grateful.
–Kristen Noelle
I was awakened by my experience at the Retreatshop. Rachel helped me discover hungers I didn’t know I had and that really was an eye opening experience. She has an amazing way of taking what you thought was your hunger and really boiling it down. With her calm demeanor and truly caring soul, the few hours that I spent at the Retreatshop will be something I’ll never forget. I am excited to take what I learned and feed all of my hungers.
–Elena Arosteguy
Last year most of the cities were sold out or near capacity. The feedback from participants was great and the one thing they asked I changed was the length. They wanted more. So I made this year’s events full day instead of three over-packed hours.
You might wonder why do I do this? Why do I choose to spend hours traveling the country to teach at these intimate gatherings? Here’s why:
Because I’ve yet to meet more than a handful of women who aren’t, in someway, alienated from their hungers.
Because getting a day away from the hubbub of life is awesome.
Because getting to spend day receiving, instead of taking care of others is medicine we need.
Because living life guided from within brings out peace, clarity, forward motion, confidence, and grounding.
Because when a woman is in deep communion with her hungers she can then be fully available to life and begin to truly feast.
This isn’t just about food. I know the metaphor-rich language I use might suggest this, but the truth is that this is about the hunger, or rather starvation, for touch, for rest, for play, for connection, for being seen, and more.
These are the reasons I know the Retreatshop experience is so vital.
And It’s true that I’ve heard across the board from many in my field that sales have been everything from flat to much slower this year.
But it doesn’t feel helpful to say “It’s the economy.” I don’t believe the price is too high for what I know this experience offers.
Last year, for the three hour experience, tickets cost a simple $100.
This year I’m more seasoned, the teachings have been refined, and attendees get over six hours of very intimate and personal time.
All this said, sales, are perhaps suggesting that the financial threshold is too high for many.
After much reflection, here’s what I’ve decided to do and what feels right in my heart and for my business:
For every full-price registration, attendees are invited to bring a friend for free.
Of course, each pair can split the single-ticket price up however they want.
If you’ve been on the fence and feeling like the ticket price is out of reach, I hope the invitation to find a friend and split it helps.
If you’re already registered, just send me an email with with full name and email address of the friend you’ll be bringing.
The remaining tour cities and dates are:
San Francisco – May 18th
Chicago – June 1st
Toronto – June 8th
Los Angeles – June 22nd
Vancouver – July 14th
Seattle – July 20th
Arlington – October 12th
Alameda – November 2nd
As always, I’d love to meet you there.
Rachel
Rachel holds the space beautifully for her participants. She brought her wisdom and intuition, and years of actual experience, so we knew we were in safe hands. There’s so much kindness and grace to how she teaches. I feel calmer just being in her presence. She has a real gift.
–Susannah Conway
I left the retreatshop in awe. What an experience to be in a relationship with my hungers. I’ll say it again: my hungers. It feels powerful to say that phrase because I had a chance to really connect with a group of amazing, brave, real women led by the graceful hunger-whisperer Rachel W. Cole herself. Rachel creates an experience that is pure magic and I am still quaking from the after effects.
–Shila Soni
*If the Retreatshop includes a paid lunch, guests of paid-attendees must pay for the lunch as well.
In praise of safety
May 8th, 2013
These days pinterest abounds with images of softly lit, sunrise horizons with “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” emblazoned across a mountainside. Or perhaps it’s a glistening ocean behind text that says “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
I believe life begins INSIDE of our comfort zones and only when we feel safe enough to stretch out does life (and our comfort zone) expand.
I am simply a huge fan of everyone feeling safe and I think safety has become linked up with weakness.
However, I have seen how safety allows us to blossom.
I believe that feeling safe is a prerequisite for connection, learning, relationship, growth, and for feeding our hungers.
The only time I have ever been able to heal or grow is when I first felt safe.
The only times I’ve been able to hear my own hungers calling for me is when I created a safe space for them.
The only times when I’ve been able to ask another to feed me is when I feel safe with them.
It’s true that we often want or need to do things that aren’t safe or don’t feel safe.
Taking the stage. Quitting the job. Asking someone out on a date. Trying something new and unknown.
It’s my experience though, that we have to feel a level of safety first.
It’s also my experience that women tolerate lives, situations, and relationships in which they are not safe to be who they are, want what they want, and say what they think and feel. This needs to change.
Needing safety does not a weak woman make.
It’s okay to value safety. In fact, it’s imperative.
It’s okay to ask someone to create a safer space for you. It’s okay to remove yourself when you don’t feel safe.
When we feel safe enough, we can sail away from the harbor.
I’ll leave you with a few questions for us to ponder:
Where in my life don’t I feel safe?
What factors create a sense of safety for me?
What would change if I felt a greater level of safety to be who I am, want what I want, and say what I think and feel?
Who don’t I feel safe around?
Who could I offer more safety to?
How could I offer myself more safety from which I could try new things?
Where am I pushing myself too far outside of my safety zone?
May we all be safe so we can soar.
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Join me at one of the upcoming Well-Fed Woman Retreatshops!
San Francisco – May 18th
Chicago – June 1st
Toronto – June 8th
Los Angeles – June 22nd
Edmonton – July 13th (at risk of cancellation unless enrollment increases)
Vancouver – July 14th
Seattle – July 20th
Two Important Voices. Yours and Mine.
May 4th, 2013
I took April off of work.
I went to meet my nephew in Germany and on April 17th, 36 hours after my pain landed back on U.S. soil, I had my tonsils removed. No surprise, it’s been painful to talk.
During the recovery I learned to communicate with made up hand signs, scribbles on paper, and flash cards I’d prepared that said things like “Pain!” and “Thank you!”
Now May has rolled around, the pain has faded and speaking has becoming more effortless.
Eating with abandon has come back too. Hallelujah!
But my life isn’t just about speaking to my loved ones or being able to talk to the check out clerk at the grocery store.
I teach. I write. I communicate as part of my sacred vocation.
Being away last month and getting out of practice ‘speaking’ to you has left me feeling rusty. I could hear that all too common voice that says “What do you have to say that’s original? Look, there are all these other people saying the same thing as you. What makes you think anyone wants to hear your version? No one even noticed you were gone.”
In my experience, most of us know what this is like, even if we don’t have a blog and or teach in a classroom.
It’s simply not always easy to feel into the importance or worthiness of our voice.
Here is the perspective I use respond to these questioning voices:
I’ve read just about every book there is on the topic of eating disorders and making peace with our body and food. Seriously. I have.
Many of them say the same things and yet, for no logical or specific reason, only a few have really spoken to me. It’s not that they were better written, it’s simply that I needed to hear the information from one author and could not from another.
Have you had this experience? Two books that say the same thing and only one speaks to you?
Or a friend raves about a book that changed her life but it falls flat for you.
Perhaps there is a blogger out there that ‘everyone’ raves about but who’s voice does not connect with you.
Maybe you’ve had a group of people in your life each give you the same advice, but it was one single person who was able to get through to you.
It’s not logical and I don’t need to understand why this is the way things are.
I simply know that each voice matters and that my voice is the voice that will connect with someone out there when others do not.
This is true for your voice too. Whether it’s a book you want to write, a speech you want to give, or a truth you want to share with your best friend – it matters that YOU share it.
Your voice is like your thumbprint. It has a uniqueness that no one can match and it has the power to carry healing, change, and beauty into a world that needs these them.
Our voice won’t be heard by all. It won’t even be received positively all the time. It will rarely, if ever, be perfect.
I simply ask myself, what if Geneen Roth had never written Women, Food, & God because she thought that most of the content had already been written about by others? What if Brene Brown didn’t give her initial TedX talk because she thought to herself “Would anyone care if I didn’t show up?”
This perspective is what allows me to, often without finesse, begin to speak, teach, and write again. This is what allows me to hush those fearful voices. I have a deep faith that some people need to hear the wisdom I share from my voice in order for it to have an impact.
I have faith the same is true for you.
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Join me at one of the upcoming Well-Fed Woman Retreatshops!
San Francisco – May 18th
Chicago – June 1st
Toronto – June 8th
Ottawa – June 9th (at risk of cancellation unless enrollment increases)
Los Angeles – June 22nd
Edmonton – July 13th (at risk of cancellation unless enrollment increases)
Vancouver – July 14th
Seattle – July 20th
The Eternal Spring
May 3rd, 2013
Our hungers are an eternal spring of wisdom and answers.
I wish I’d known this when I was younger, it would have saved me so much strife and anguish.
If I had known, I wouldn’t have have pursued answers, fruitlessly I might add, in so many places outside of myself.
If I had known that the well of wisdom was ceaseless and within myself I would not have sought to silence it.
It, this eternal spring, asked for simple things from me. It asked for human embrace. It asked for carbs – bread, pasta, and the like. It asked for permission to simply be. to be heard. to be listened to.
My spring of hungers asked for rest. and play. My spring of hungers said “Let our body be! Let it be soft. Let our body be whatever it wants to be.”
My spring of hunger said “Let others love us” and “Let’s love us.”
And it was the courageous act of yielding, of listening, of honoring that I allowed me to live my way into a very well-fed woman.
The path has not been linear. Going from relating to my hungers as enemies to being in deep communion with them has been a practice. It has, at times, been moment to moment and day by day. But over time it has become second nature.
This Way of The Well-Fed Woman, as I call it, has liberated me and over the past several years I’ve been lucky enough to witness it do the same for so many others.
I want this for every hungry woman out there. I want so much to live in a world where women trust their hungers, no matter how big they are or and live lives created from this guidance within.
In the spring 2004 I attended a large women’s reproductive rights march in Washington, DC. As we gathered, plackets in hand, Hillary Clinton on the microphone, I overheard a conversation between a few women who were standing next to me.
One woman said “What do you want to do for lunch?” The other replied “Oh, I’m skipping lunch this week. I’ve been so bad and need to slim down.” To which her replied with a chipper “Oh, okay!”
The only part of this story that has to do with food is that our relationship with food mirrors our relationship with all of our hungers.
Instead of her hunger for lunch, this woman could have just as easily been ignoring her hunger for creativity, or touch, or adventure. This is what so many of us do and I’m not here to claim that feeding ourselves is easy. Well, it’s not easy at first.
Aftercall, how do hear what we’re hungry for?
How do know if what we’re hearing is our “true” hunger?
And once we hear it, what we do? How do we actually take a hunger, especially the big ones, and feed it?
I teach the answers to these questions. I equip hungry women with the tools, frameworks, practices, and love that it takes to live the Way of The Well-Fed Woman.
Someone asked me recently, “What does ‘being well-fed’ mean?” Kind of like when you say a word ten times fast it starts to sound funny. I say “well-fed” a whole lot and I totally get if it starts to sound like mumbo jumbo.
If this metaphor has felt elusive for you, perhaps my words here today have shed some clarity.
Being well-fed means believing 1) that your hungers are wise and serve as a compass pointing to what is needed now for you to be most fulfilled, 2) you are worthy of having your hungers fed, 3)that when you are well-fed you can be engaged in and most of service to the world, and 4) that a world full of well-fed people, especially women, would be a radically better place than the one we live in today.
If you believe these tenets, then your eternal spring is ready and waiting to guide you. You are ready to feast. If you believe these tenets and are hungry for support and guidance, I’m here.
Happy (eternal) springtime to all.
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Join me at one of the upcoming Well-Fed Woman Retreatshops!
San Francisco – May 18th
Chicago – June 1st
Toronto – June 8th
Ottawa – June 9th (at risk of cancellation unless enrollment increases)
Los Angeles – June 22nd
Edmonton – July 13th (at risk of cancellation unless enrollment increases)
Vancouver – July 14th
Seattle – July 20th
