October 30, 2014

carolynsguide

Small Apples

For over a year I’ve been leading small groups of women through the process of becoming Intuitive Eaters. Without question, it’s the very best work I’ve ever done. Four groups went through the first six weeks, then women who were hungry for more, continued on in ten week master groups.  One of the ten week master groups wanted even more and are about to wrap up their twentieth week together.

What I have loved most about leading these women is the honest to goodness, grounded transformation that occurred when we added all this up: time+space+community+compassion+knowledge. This is simply the best formula I know for lasting change, paradigm shifts, and cellular reorganization.

Carolyn is one of the brave, brilliant women in my groups. Upon completing our journey together she shared this manifesto of sorts she wrote for herself based on all I taught. She calls it her “Lovely, Freeing Eating Guide” and after hearing her read it, I knew it had to be shared.

I honor my Holy Hunger as often as possible, letting my body Desire so that the food I eat tastes delicious and nourishes me body, mind and soul.

Before I eat, I ask my body (not my head), what she desires.

When I do eat, whether or not I am hungry, I don’t judge it. I enjoy it. Slowly, one bite at a time, not future or past but just this moment. The texture, the taste, the aroma. Sloooow Pleasure. I also notice how full my stomach is getting.

Throughout the day, I ask my body how She feels and what She needs. What would increase HER pleasure?

I satiate myself with life.

My body can be trusted. I eat, I fill up, I get hungry again.

When eating, I want to be effective. To scratch the itch. If I binge, not only am I NOT scratching the itch, but I’m blocking the resources that will.

When I overeat, I can always ask myself “How can I become more present and alive in this moment?” Or “What is the kindest thing I can do for myself?”

I hit the pause button more before, during and after eating. I notice my thoughts, my emotions, how my body feels. I slow everything down to super slow motion. I breathe, remembering I have lots of options. They are all okay. What does my sweet self want? What’s the most supportive, loving thing I can do for myself in this moment?

That’s the practice.

Simple, yet brilliant, right?

That’s the practice. 

 

 

January 15, 2014

Kristin Noelle for Rachel Cole

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Let this brilliant drawing from Kristin Noelle be an invitation to turn your seeking inward–to listen to your own inner call of where to go next.

Kristin Noelle is a Los Angeles-based illustrator. She creates soulful art that fosters a worldview of trust. Find her at www.kristinnoelle.com and be sure to check out Blessings – a free, 10-day series of inspired, illustrated blessings.

 

posted in guest posts
December 23, 2013

teryll.sacks.guestpost

A guest post written by Teryll Sacks

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When I received the invitation to write a guest post for Rachel’s blog, I was honored and excited! It was an opportunity to blog again and to write about something other than cooking and recipes.

And then, I read the first two guest blog posts on Rachel’s site and immediately I said out loud, “Who the fill-in-the-blank am I? What the fill-in-the-blank do I have to say?” I don’t teach soulful e-courses, or write inspiring books and I haven’t been featured on any well-known websites or media outlets. The “unworthy gremlins” emerged from their mousetraps and I started to panic. The “perfection gremlins” arrived uninvited and began gnawing at my anxious heart. I remembered two things that Rachel said about our inner critics at the last Retreatshop I attended: that when we listen to them (the inner critics), we play it safe and that the inner critics are often loudest around the things that matter most to us. And I don’t want to end 2013, playing it safe.

So here I am – several deep breaths later, having scratched my original idea and taking a chance on something a wee bit personal. When I attended the Wise Body, Wise Hungers retreat in September, I was really keen on connection. I deeply desired to connect with other women, but more importantly to connect with myself and my body.

During the retreat Rachel led us through a guided imagery session focused around one hunger that we were playing with for the weekend (initially I was tossing around the idea of playing with a hunger to be seen/heard). After that guided imagery, Rachel asked us some potent questions around the experience and we spent some time journaling. While journaling, I discovered that the hunger I was playing with was a secondary hunger and that the primary hunger was really about knowing that I am enough and that I am worthy. Tears were streaming down my face as I wrote the “story” behind the belief that I wasn’t good enough, worthy or that I was too much. I physically felt my chest tighten and my throat nearly close up as I was telling the truth (it still blows me away how the body knows, feels and reveals what is really going on inside of us, we just need to be still and listen). And the truth is for quite some time, I’ve “reined” it in, I’ve played it safe.

Later that day, the amazing Anna Guest-Jelley (our fearless curvy yoga leader) led us through our afternoon yoga session. While reclining in shivasana (one of my most favorite poses), Anna invited us to listen, not just to the physical signs and sounds around us, but to listen within. I felt the cool breeze across my face; I felt the soft rays of sunshine peering through the windows onto my body; and I heard the delicate song of a few birds fluttering nearby. It was ever so slight, but I heard and felt my body tell me, “you are enough, there’s nothing you need to say or do, nothing to prove, you are enough”. It was a powerful experience, it held so much joy and I remember sharing with Rachel and Anna that I finally “got it”. It was a sacred reunion of body, mind and spirit. Shortly after that experience, I wrote a poem and in the spirit of not playing it safe, I want to share it with you:

I am enough.
I am not too much or too little.
I am enough just as I am.
In this body.
In this vessel of love, kindness and grace.
There is nothing I can do or say that will change it – I am enough.
I was born enough.
I will die enough.
There’s enough space to hold me.
There’s enough space to hold you.
There’s enough space to hold each other in this beautiful mess called life.

My prayer and hope for us all is that we turn down the dial on those gremlins (aka the inner critics) and allow our hungers to step into the spotlight. Our hungers are wise and as Rachel always says they are a compass for what is needed right now. May the holidays bring you ease, rest, joy and love.

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By day Teryll Sacks is a paralegal, by night a devoted foodie, curvy yogi and adventure seeker. Though she has taken a year-long sabbatical from her blog, Madame Munchies, you can still check it out for recipes and other antidotes about cooking and life.

posted in guest posts
December 19, 2013

jill.salahub.guespost

A guest post by Jill Salahub

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A Bodhisattva is an “enlightened being,” having an open, awake heart motivated by deep compassion.

One of the origin stories of Bodhisattva is that she was a woman of noble standing who at the moment of her death heard someone crying. She was supposed to be headed straight for Nirvana, a state of perfect peace and happiness, but because she was so touched by the pain of that one being, she instead vowed to be reborn into the human realm as many times as it would take until there was no one left suffering.

In some Buddhist practice lineages, one can take a Bodhisattva vow, committing to that same path. The version that the Dalai Lama often uses when facilitating a vow ceremony ends with:

As long as space remains,
As long as sentient beings remain,

Until then, may I too remain

And dispel the miseries of the world.

We understandably may be reluctant to offer that level of commitment. We might not all experience that same depth of conviction. However, the way of the Bodhisattva is something we can all aspire to – it is simply this: to ease suffering, in ourselves and in the world.

We all just want to be happy and safe, to be free from suffering. It is the one thing we have in common with every other being, the thing that motivates everything we do.

We all have the ability to ease suffering. In individual moments and in small ways, we can be of benefit. Sometimes easing suffering is a spontaneous kind act. It can be as simple as holding the door open for someone or saying hello while looking directly into their eyes. We run into these opportunities multiple times a day.

For example, the other day I was at the grocery store, and there was a woman with full cart wandering the parking lot. She had a worried look on her face and as she got closer to me, I heard a car horn beep behind me and saw that she was repeatedly clicking her keyless entry remote. I realized she couldn’t remember where her car was, and that she was clicking the remote so the car horn would go off, hoping that would help her locate it. As I passed her, I said, “I heard it go off just back there.” Her face immediately relaxed, she smiled and said, “Thank you.” It was the simplest of things, but that small kindness I offered gave her a moment of relief, calmed her anxiety, eased her suffering.

The magic of such a moment goes beyond offering respite to another, because after our interaction I felt better too. To help someone else reminds us that we are connected, that we are not alone, and that things are workable. As Ram Dass says, “we are all just walking each other home.”

When we are suffering — feeling left out, depressed or sad, lonely or lost — we can ease our situation by becoming the love that we are missing, by offering love to ourselves or others. Anytime we follow the call of love, we are walking the path of the Bodhisattva.

While there is much about practicing the way of the Bodhisattva that is easy, it also requires some measure of responsibility and wisdom. We need to be sure that we are fully prepared to help, and that we are truly helping.

It’s common to confuse the way of the Bodhisattva with being solely focused on the wellbeing of others, of serving their needs and easing their suffering, but as Buddha said, “You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” When being kind, practicing compassion, we must remember to include ourselves in that equation. We need care, nurturing and soothing as much as anyone. And this self-care, self-love, self-compassion only serves to fuel the way of the Bodhisattva, by ensuring that we are well and strong so that we can be of benefit, putting on our own oxygen masks before we help someone else with theirs.

It’s also easy when walking the path of the Bodhisattva to fall prey to “idiot compassion.” Pema Chödrön defines it this way:

It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion. In some ways, it’s what’s called enabling. It’s the general tendency to give people what they want because you can’t bear to see them suffering. Basically, you’re not giving them what they need. You’re trying to get away from your feeling of I can’t bear to see them suffering.

Anyone who has experience with an addict or a toddler understands how this goes, how we sometimes give in to the demands of someone suffering in the moment in a way that doesn’t help at all in the long run. To give an addict drugs or money for drugs doesn’t actually ease the suffering generated by their addiction, but rather continues the cycle. In the same way, giving in to the demands of a small child who might be overwhelmed or tired or hungry, who is having a tantrum and demanding candy or a toy at the checkout line in the grocery store, doesn’t actually help them to learn to deal with their experience, and usually doesn’t address the real, underlying need. And yet, it can be so tempting in those situations to give in to the impulse of the moment and thus avoid any immediate discomfort.

Sometimes, we get confused and our actions actually end up generating suffering, and some beings can get caught up in this delusion their whole lives. When we are trying to help them, it can be hard to accept that our kindness and generosity, our genuine attempts to help may not be met with equal kindness or results. And yet, we must remember as Anaïs Nin said, “You cannot save people. You can only love them.”

I would like to invite you to join me in trying out this practice, the way of the Bodhisattva. It really is as simple as asking yourself, “Where do I see suffering?” and then, “Is there anything I can do to ease this suffering?” If you don’t think you can ease the suffering, at the very least do what you can to not generate more suffering, or as the Dalai Lama says, “If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.”

Place your attention on where there is suffering, and focus your effort on attempting to ease it. Try it and see if you don’t feel the tiniest bit better, if you don’t feel happier, safer. Go ahead. I dare you.

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Jill Salahub is an Introvert, INFJ, Highly Sensitive Person, Scorpio, and Four on the Enneagram – in other words, a passionate mess. She’s a wholehearted practitioner of writing, yoga, meditation, and dog (she’s been rescued by three, so far). Her superpowers are generosity and gentleness, and she loves to laugh. Her mission is to ease suffering, in herself and the world. Jill writes about the tenderness and the terror, the beauty and the brutality of life, and of her efforts to keep her heart open through it all on her blog, A Thousand Shades of Gray.

posted in guest posts
December 17, 2013

jen.louden.dec.2013

A guest post by Jen Louden

When Rachel told me she was taking some time off, my first thought was a fervent “I want that, too!” I felt the strong tug of desire. I pouted a bit, and internally whined, “Why can she have a break but I can’t?”

I would love to report I immediately explored my desire with curious compassion but that would be a lie. I try not to lie, at least not in print.

Instead, I pulled a sullen caul of resignation over my soul’s eyes. Resignation is an exhausting mood based on the story the future can’t be any different than the past so why bother? It convinces us we can’t ever have what we are hungry for.

Such a dramatic mood because, of course, there are things we must do in life, things we must attend to in our businesses and families. From that reality, it’s so easy to build a prison of poor resigned me, thinking it’s the truth. When it isn’t.

It took a few days for my desire to get my attention. It was during morning meditation when I finally noticed it, said yes, made space for the longing. Cue sobbing, whole body tears. So many feelings – the yearning to play, to rest, to make art, to write a new book… Waves of anger for pushing myself so hard yet again, waves of self-judgment for not being smarter at business so I could take more time off, waves of regret for wasting time on things I didn’t really want to do… so many feelings, so many desires. Letting them all be, letting them move through me…

Ah, the beloved gift of space, of inner spaciousness.

After the feelings moved through me – as they always do when given space and attention, I dropped into the quiet spaciousness my favorite mindful question, “What do I want?”  Breathed and listened, open and curious…

What bubbled to the surface is “I want to play and to create new stuff” and “I want lots of people to discover the Life Organizer book.”  Ah! Here is exactly where I tend to choose resignation over following my desires – following desire means choosing. And choosing means trusting myself and saying no to certain options, both of what can be hard for me.

Resignation is how I hide from desire.

Back to meditation where I make space for not wanting to choose… for not trusting myself… for wanting trusting myself to mean everything work out perfectly (which it does not)… offering myself mercy and understanding… it’s hard to choose and that’s okay…

And then, after a bit more time being, and then a stretch and a cup of nettle tea, it’s time to actually choose. Making space for acceptance is crucial, can’t be skipped, but neither can choosing.

I pull out a tool I created – based on ideas I learned through my coaching training – I call it Conditions of Enoughness. Here are the basics:

1.    Name what is enough in simple facts.

2.    Include a time element or time “container.”

3.    Ensure they’re dependent on ONLY YOU on an AVERAGE day.

4.    Declare you are satisfied when your conditions are met – even if you don’t feel satisfied.

Here is an example from my process:

1. Name what is enough in simple facts.

I named when I would start my holiday break (December 20th- January 2nd). I named what days, and how many hours, I would work between now and then, keeping in mind my desire to play and my desire to promote the book. I got granular about what I could really do – and want to do- to promote the book. How many guest posts would I write? How many podcasts would I pitch? Simple facts.

2. Include a time element or time “container.”

December 20th-January 2nd is one time element or container, the other is the hours I will work each day. Yet another is how long I will spend writing a particular post or pitching shows. The answer varies but it is so powerful to declare it beforehand.

3. Ensure they’re dependent on ONLY YOU on an AVERAGE day.

This element is hard for me – I like to pretend I’m super human and then I get deflated because I feel like a failure for not being able to do everything on my daily list. My renewed practice is to list each day (I use ToDoist) what I can actually do on that day, not what I wish I could do, given the hours I will work and how long each item will take me.

4. Declare you are satisfied when your conditions are met – even if you don’t feel satisfied.

I say “I declare myself satisfied” out loud when I am done with an item on my list and at the end of the day before I leave my studio. I say it a lot.

Here’s what I did in a nutshell:

:: Feeling overwhelmed, resigned, or pouty? Make space for what you are feeling or desiring without identifying with it – feel your body, your feelings, hear your thoughts. Make room for it all to be there as is.

:: Ask yourself “What do I want?” or Rachel’s powerhouse of a question, “What am I hungry for?”  There may be conflicting desires. That’s okay, write them all down, and let them all be guests at the feast of your life.

:: Use Conditions of Enoughness to bring your desires into reality. Yes, choosing can be hard and scary, and it is an important way to bring desires alive.

There you have it – a way out of the pout and into desire made real.

Please tell me how this land with you in the comments – eager to learn with you. And please join me and the wonderful Rachel for a freeeee class in January.

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Jen Louden is a personal growth pioneer who helped launch the self-care movement with her first book The Woman’s Comfort Book. She’s the author of 5 additional books on well-being and whole living, including The Life Organizer, that have inspired more than a million women in 9 languages. Jen has spoken around the world on self-care, written a national magazine column, and even sat on Oprah’s couch talking about the power of retreats.  She believes self-love + world-love = wholeness for all.  Visit  http://JenniferLouden.comfor fab free goodies and upcoming retreat schedule.

posted in guest posts

Hi, I'm Rachel

I am a life coach and fierce advocate for women feeding their truest hungers. I'm also a curator of inspiration and this is where I share the wisdom I've gained, words that trigger deep reflection, and resources to help you live your most well-fed life. Feast onward.

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