I keep a P.O. box for my business. It’s for my basic safety and peace of mind, as I’m required to include an address in the footer of all my newsletters which go out to thousands of people. Not all of whom I’d want an unexpected visit from.
Of course, I’m not talking about you.
You should come over for tea.
Where was I. Right. I swung by the post office earlier this week and discovered a letter that I have to share with you.
Dear Sweet Rachel,
It was exactly one year ago that you and I had a one-on-one. You may or may not remember that you presented me with a challenge. The challenge was to not weigh myself for one year. I remember at the time being overwhelmed with the challenge, especially given that I had purchased a scale several weeks before our chat. But after our call I made the decision to trust the process and stay away from weighing myself. So here we are, a year later, and to date I haven’t stepped on the scale. I just wanted to thank you – this past year has been quite the journey and I’ve just barely begun. I am grateful for you, your dedication to the work that God has designed you for!
Teary, standing by P.O. box 3433. Wow.
I was and am moved and honored and awed.
It’s events like this that reinvigorate me and rekindle my fire for calling women forth into Well-Fed living.
I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: what we weigh is useless information. It tells us nothing of value. Just about everything worth knowing comes from inside of us. Knowing our weight is rarely ever about well-being. We step on the scale to measure our worth, to gauge how out of control we are (or feel) in our lives, and to help us make decisions we’re afraid to let our bodies make.
If you didn’t know what you weighed, what would happen? How would you know when to eat and when to stop eating? How would you know when to move your body and when to rest? How would you know if you were enough or too much?
You would listen. Ear to yourself and you’d hear “Feast. Rest. Trust.”
You would listen. Ear to your heart and you’d hear “You are enough, never more, never less.”
The scale takes you away from yourself. Giving it up brings you home.
If you’re ready to come home, but crave some support and someone to walk a while with you on the path, get in touch. I have a few spaces open in my coaching practice and always offer one-off sessions, like I did with this letter writer, to get you started.
I’d love to see just how free, embodied, and well-fed you could be.
A change is in the air, can you feel it too?
My summer funk is so a thing of the past and this weekend, co-leading The Wise Body, Wise Hungers retreat with Anna Guest-Jelley was soul-satisfyingly good. I mean goooood. I’m ushering my Ease Huntresses through their summer to autumn transition and getting excited for my nephew to move from Berlin to the States next week. And, I’m writing to you on my long-overdue new computer where I’m in deep creation mode for you and 2014. Oh, and yeah, I’m wearing new, super awesome Warby Parkers…
Lately it’s just felt like it’s time for a new look. Something to punctuate what feels like a great and powerful time of transition…
Who’s ready for desktop wallpaper suited for being (or becoming) a Well-Fed Woman?!
I made you three versions, each in four sizes, because options are everyone’s best friend.
Each version has all four sizes in the zip files. Just click to download and choose the size that’s right for you.
Option 1 – Feast On Your Life
–> Download (zip)
Option 2 – Let Your Hungers Guide You
–> Download (zip)
Option 3 – What Are You Truly Hungry For?
I remember studying for the SAT and getting particularly hung up on verbal analogy questions. For those of you who live outside of the States, the SAT is a test many high school students take before applying to colleges. The better your score, generally speaking, the better the school you can gain admission to.
Verbal analogy questions look something like this:
CRUMB : BREAD ::
(A) ounce : unit
(B) splinter : wood
(C) water : bucket
(D) twine : rope
(E) cream : butter
The goal is to determine which of the multiple choice answers is analogous to the relationship between the two items that are in all capital letters (CRUMB & BREAD).
You have to ask yourself, what is the relationship between CRUMB and BREAD?
The answer of course is that a CRUMB is a small piece of BREAD. You then remove CRUMB and BREAD from that sentence and see which of the answers fit.
______is a small piece of _______.
The answer, as you may have guessed is B: splinter: wood.
What does this have to do with being a Well-Fed Woman?
Literally everything I teach is about relationships. How we relate to ourselves. How we relate to food. How we relate to our bodies. How we relate to pleasure. How we relate to hunger and desire. How we relate to discomfort.
It’s all relationships. Relationships precede action. Relationships determine actions.
The moment of contact between two things determines everything that happens next. Do they bounce off each other? Do they embrace? Do they nuzzle up side to side? Do they say yes to each other? or no?
If you desire a better relationship with anything, make sure you’re viewing it as a relationship.
If you desire a better relationship with anything, slow it all down and see what’s happening at the point of contact.
Try it for yourself. Pick one of the following options to create your own mock SAT question:
I: MY HUNGERS
Now pick the option below that’s most analogous:
(A) Harry Potter:Voldemort
(B) Bert: Ernie
(C) Cold War Russia: Cold War USA
(D) Bunny’s Mother:Runaway Bunny
(B) The English Language:Gibberish
(C) Fred Astair:Ginger Rogers
(D) White Spy:Black Spy (from Spy v. Spy)
(G) Switzerland: Non-Swiss Conflicts
(H) Treasure Hunter: Treasure Map
(I) Two Peas: Pod
This might seem like a silly exercise. It kind of is.
Though in all seriousness, the relationship we have to ourselves (and to our hungers, our pleasure, our bodies, etc.) is such a powerful determinant of how fulfilling our lives will be.
Relationships are dynamic, they don’t remain in one stagnant form. If you’re wanting a better relationship with yourself, or any of these things I’ve mentioned, you can live your way into that better relationship.
Start with how you greet yourself in the morning. Is it kind?
Start with the tone in your voice when you talk to yourself. Is it warm?
Start with saying “yes, my love” when your body requests rest. It generally knows what’s best for us.
Start with prolonging any activity that gives you deep pleasure. Pleasure is a sign we’re on the right track.
Start with speaking up for yourself…yourself who is your friend.
If you want a better relationship, start by viewing it as a relationship to begin with, then be inside of that relationship in a harmonious and kind way.
And here’s the kicker: our relationship with ourselves, determines our relationship with others.
Yes, we tend to be kinder to others when we are kind to ourselves, but perhaps more importantly, abuse from others becomes intollerable when we are not in an abusive relationship with ourselves.
If you see the picture above, the one with the plug and socket, you’ll see a perfect analogy for what I’m getting at.
Our relationship with ourselves molds our “socket” and only plugs that fit can plug in. (Ever tried to plug an American plug into a German socket? Take my word for it, doesn’t work)
Because I’m in a loving relationship with myself, anyone who might seek to relate to me as anything less simply doesn’t fit. It doesn’t compute. I’ve created the mold.
I talk to a lot of women who doubt their lovability. I used to be one of those women. In fact, I didn’t just doubt my lovability, I outright believed that I wasn’t lovable. Overtime, though, I decided to love myself and my own “socket” changed shape. Overtime, I came into relationship with myself the way I wanted others to relate to me.
What kind of relationships are you in?
A Well-Fed Woman seeks to find harmony in her dance of giving and receiving. This applies to food, for sure, and relationships, without question, but it also applies to money. The epidemic of hungry women extends beyond the table and bedroom into our bank accounts.
When I work with hungry women they almost always have tortured relationships with their money. And I get that, it’s another area where we’re not given a healthy model, not in the least. When it comes to money, as it does to food and sex, we socialized to feel ashamed. Shame about wanting or having too much money and shame about not having enough. Shame about what we don’t know and shame about what we don’t do.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Money can feel good. Really good.
Enter: Kate Northrup.
Kate’s been there. She knows, intimately, what it’s like to feel all tied in knots about money. Not that long ago Kate was in $20,000 of debt, though from the outside you might not have known it. Can you relate?
She didn’t untangle herself overnight, but she did over time and along the way she made sense of her own dollars and cents.
Lucky for us, she’s captured her wisdom in a brilliant new book, Money, A Love Story.
If this an area you crave being more Well-Fed in, I highly recommend getting to know Kate and grabbing a copy of her new book. I’m honored to share her words in this latest installment of The Well-Fed Woman interview series. Read on…
Kate, what are you TRULY hungry for?
I’m truly hungry for a world in which men and women know that they have the power to create the freedom to have the choice to do what they want with their most precious asset, their time. When we have the kind of freedom where we don’t have to make decisions on how we spend our time based on needing to trade hours for dollars, we can show up and be more present to our purpose, whatever that may be. I’m hungry for this for everyone and that’s why I teach people how to create financial freedom.
What’s a craving that you previously denied that you know happily satisfy? How has this impacted you? (not talking about food necessarily)
I’m still working on giving myself the pleasure of dancing regularly. It’s always been a passion, but for some reason after college I started denying myself of it. I stopped going to class and just didn’t prioritize it. Every time I dance I feel free and more connected with myself and to the divine. Going to class, even if it’s a Zumba class, is one of the most nourishing things I can do for myself.
What are you a conduit for? What comes through with ease, meaning, and spark?
I’m a conduit for practical wisdom. When I write I feel like my fingers just type and I’m able to teach things that I wouldn’t have been able to teach if I weren’t writing it out. I recently read back through my book on a final round of edits and to be honest, I couldn’t remember writing large parts of it. Information that the world needs just kind of comes through and I trust that if I’m compelled to write it, someone needs to hear it.
Favorite bite in recent memory?
Delicious spicy thai veggies with friends, family style, at Fresh in Bridgehampton, NY.