What are you TRULY hungry for?
No, really. I know I ask this question of you a lot.
But please pause. breathe. ask it again.
What is it you are TRULY hungry for? Emphasis on the TRULY.
Here are a few things I hear from women:
“1,000 more readers for my blog.”
“date night with my husband.”
There’s nothing wrong with these desires, but they aren’t what I call true hungers.
These are secondary hungers.
True hungers are primal and can be fed in many ways, not just through the single door of the secondary hunger we may have identified. In fact, this is why so many women are hungry. They go to feed the secondary hunger without addressing the core primary hunger and are often left unsatiated because the secondary hunger isn’t what they want after all.
For example. If a woman desires for weightloss, her primary hunger may be to feel good in her body, or to feel vital, or for companionship (if she believes weightloss is a prerequisite). The primary hunger below a desire for weightloss can be a multitude of things. And, importantly, she can feed the primary hunger without, in this example, ever losing weight.
Yes, you read that right. We can feel great in our bodies, feel vital, and have companionship without losing a pound. [Please, no need to leave comments about how obese people can’t possibly feel vital or good, etc. See Dr. Linda Bacon’s work]
If a woman desires 1,000 more readers for her blog, the primary hunger might be for recognition, or it might be to feel a part of a community, or it might be for approval. All of which can be fed without hitting a thousand.
If a woman desires a date night with her husband, perhaps the primary hunger is connection, or physical touch, or intimacy, or play, or communion and so forth.
It’s not to say she can’t lose weight, get 1,000+ readers, and have endless dates with her man, it’s to say she doesn’t need these things to satisfy the primary hungers and that’s what counts.
This practice of digging deeper is essential to being a well-fed woman. We must look under the covers, peel back the layers, and expose what wants to be fed.
Geneen Roth so beautifullly says, “Love is love and food is food” because love is often the primary hunger that people attempt to satisfy with food, a secondary and mismatched desire.
I started this informal, certainly-not-complete, list of primary hungers to help get you thinking. These are all possible answers to the magic question “What are you TRULY hungry for?”
Abundance, Adventure, Affection, Beauty, Belonging,
Carbohydrates, Change, Clarity, Cleanliness, Collaboration, Comfort, Connection to community, Connection to family, Connection to nature, Connection to one’s body, Connection to one’s Self, Connection to others, Connection to The Divine/god, Cooling, Crafting, Creativity, Dancing, Energy, To know one’s enoughness, Fat, Food, Friendship, Gathering, Intimacy, Joy, Laughter, Learning/Comprehension, Love, Meaning, Movement, Music, Permission, Play, Protein, Purpose, Quiet, Recognition/Being seen, Restoration, Ritual, Salt, Satiation, Security/Safety, Sex, Singing, Spaciousness, Speaking/Communicating, Stimulation, Structure, To adorn, To feel good, To just be, To let go, Touch, Tradition, Truth, Vitality, Warmth, Water, White space.
Once you’ve narrowed in on a primary hunger (and it certainly doesn’t have to come from this list), be with it. Ask yourself – What does this hunger feel like? What images come to mind when I think of feeding this? How many different ways can I imagine there are to feed this hunger?
I’m going to leave you with these thoughts, this list and time to ponder. I’ll be back next week with a post I’m calling “The screaming kid in the check-out lane grows up.” It’s gonna be a good one.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear what your ‘secondary’ and ‘primary’ hungers are.
And if you haven’t snagged your ticket for one of the Retreatshops, don’t wait. I may cancel a city if it’s not sold enough (and you could miss your chance) and several cities are near selling out (and you’d miss your chance again). If you’ve got a question about The Retreatshops, if you’re wondering if they’re right for you, and so on – please get in touch. I’m off to Petaluma, California on Saturday and I can’t wait! Here’s what a few people are saying:
Rachel has an important message to share, but it’s not in neon lights or wrapped with a big bow or glitzed up by an L.A. advertising agency. She delivers it in the most humble and loving manner and it touches your soul. You feel like she’s your best friend from middle school with whom you’re finally catching up after losing touch, because she shares some poignant stories and compelling personal testimony and makes it feel safe for you to be vulnerable, too. She’s real. She wants to share what she has learned so you can heal and grow and identify and feed your own hungers and become the person you’re meant to be. It’s truly a blessing to be offered this opportunity, and I feel very blessed right now.
- Carrie Sullivan, Mise En Place Consulting
There is something really empowering about witnessing someone unravel their truth and their story to how they got to that truth. You can feel it reverberating in your body at its core – and the shifting begins to happen. The shift towards being present with yourself and your truest desires. It’s this re-learning process of being true to ourselves, being loving and kind to ourselves, and reconnecting with our intuitive selves all which marinates into self-magic. I thank Rachel Cole for masterfully crafting a safe forum for us powerful women, to come and explore a greater understanding of our true hungers and to leave deepened with the trust for our inner wisdoms.
–Sanaz Ebriani, Nutrition Coach